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  1. Wunst upon a time dhere wuz a pond. It wuz a nice, middlol-sized pond wif clear waters. And in dat pond dhere libbed a froggy named Lester and hiz bestest frend, Al deh . Dey wud swimm in deh pond adn play hide-and-seek amungst deh cattailz. Or see hoo kud sit at deh bottom uv deh pond deh longest b4 kumming up fur air.

    Sumtimes dey wud lay in deh sun on deh bank and talk about fings like
    Y deh rain nawt fawl wen deh sky am bloo?
    How duz deh sun git bak to deh east obernite wifout being seen?

    Wun day az dey lay basking in deh sun, Mama Duck and hur ducklings swam by. "Dey look so kewt, don't dey?" sed Lester.

    "Yep. And dey am growing so fast!"

    "I knowz. Look! Wunna dem am starting to sprout fezzers!" Lester started humming "And deh wun widdlol duck wif deh fezzer on on himz back, hii ruled deh uzzerz wif a kwack, kwack, kwack."

    Al asked, "Lester, how menny ducks am a flock?"

    "huh???" Lester wuz puzzlolled by deh kwestion.

    "I mean, if u sees twenny ducks, well, dats a flock. And if u just seez wun duck, datz nawt a flock. But where duz u draw deh line?? am 4 duckz a flock?"

    "Hmmmm..... gud kwestyun." Lester ponder fur bit, then sed, "I wud fink mebbee deh number wud b 6. Less dan 6 am just sum ducks."

    Al seemed content wif dat anser. But hii soon had anuzzer kwestyun. "Wut duz u suppose uzzer ponds am like? I haz heeringed deh ducks talk about flying and seeing lots uv ribbers and ponds and lakes. It must b wunnerful to see deh whole whirrld frum up ohai."

    Lester sed, "I nebber really thot about dat. I can't eben imagine it."

    Al wuz sudenly consumed wif deh idea. "I knoez I can't seeing fingz frum up ohai, but I wud like to see deh whole whirrld. Do you suppose I kud walk deh whole whirrld in a week?"

    "I dunno, Al. It takes deh ducks a coupole uv weeks to fly souf fur deh winter. And walking am slower. I fink it wood take a munf."

    "A munf?! Let's do it!! Come wif mii, Lester!"

    "Really? U really gonna do it??"

    "Yes. I wants to see deh whirrld!!! Let'z go!!" Deh widdlol wuz practically jumping up and down wif excitement.

    Lester thot about it fur minnit and den agreed. After all, hii wudn't haz enny fun staying here by himself.

    So Lester hopped ontu Al'z back and off dey went.

      1. .... Aye wunner wot Lester an Al weel see nawt sekkond ....

        Mehbee a long line ub armie aunts!!

        Lester: hey Al!! Wots dat?? Yoo see dat?? Der am a moobin rode blokkaide!!

        Al: ?? *stawps atta da moobin line* doods!!?? Wot yoo doin?? Weeze triin ta walks round da whirl ... Yooze awl in a da wae ...

            1. Lester and Al looked towards ware teh cricket commandos was marching tew, and on the side of road thru the bushez a liddlol waze, they cood sii a clearing where awl teh crickets wuz gathering. There wuzza liddlol podium onna stage in frunt of teh cricket crowd, and wun cricket wuz standing behind it and appear'd tew bii making ah speech tew teh gathering. The cricket behind the podium wuz berry animated, and dis made Lester and Al curious abowt wot he wuz saying. Then thay lean'd towards teh clearing and cock'd their heads and pointed their ears in dat direkshun and strain'd tew try to overhear wot teh speaker wuz sayin' but thay coodn't kwite make owt wot wuz going on. So they decided to try an git ah liddlol closer.

                1. Az teh sent tree wuz tryin' tew detain Lester and Al, he suddenly stahp'd and look'd at Al with a curious.

                  Lester start'd gettin' very nervous abowt wot teh sent tree was going to dew wif dem.

                  Teh sent tree looked Al up and down.

                  Lester start'd to sweat.

                  He check'd Al's frunt and back.

                  Lester rung hiz hands.

                  He tap'd awn Al's shell.

                  Lester's spindloly legs began to bucklol.

                  He motion'd tew teh cricket behind the podium, hoo march'd right over tew where they were as if he hadda purpose.

                  Lester started to shake.

                  The sent tree whisper'd in teh podium crickets eer and Lester could just make owt sumfing abowt being built like a tank...and prolly good foar infiltrating enemy lines.

                  Lester start'd tew panic.

                  After a kwik once ober , teh cricket frum teh podium said, "Men, I am Sergent Jiminy, and I am in charge of recruiting foar this army. I gawta say, we don't much trust strangers arownd here, and that's a mighty formitable shell yew gawt there. Military grade yew could say. Yew sii, wii travel all over teh place, defending defenseless creatures that other tuff guys try to subjugate. So, let me just ask yew one kwestion. How'd yew liek tew sii the wurld, son?"

                  Lester fainted.

                  1. When Lester came to, hii lookinged up and saw dat hii wuz surrounded by s. Hiz instincts kikkinged in and and himz tung flikkinged owt and grabbinged a . Faster dan u kin say Jack Robinson dat wuz nommed.

                    "Mmmmm..... crunchy on deh outside, creamy on deh inside!! U gotta try summa deze, Al!!!"

                    1. "Al?"
                      ...
                      "AL?!?"

                      Al just stood there, stun'd!

                      Lester look'd arownd and saw dat awl teh otter crickets wuz looking at him.

                      GET HIM!, sumwun shout'd.
                      Teh crickets swarm'd Lester, but he wuz kwik. He sproing'd straight awp in teh air an' caught ah low hanging tree branch. Unablol tew reech Lester, teh crickets turn'd t'oards Al.
                      ATTACK!
                      Wun by wun, teh crickets flung demsleves at Al, but they awl just bowns'd orf hiz shell wif headaches. Sew hii just slowly walk'd bak owt ob da clearing an' hed'd bak down teh road.

                      "Where awr yew goin', Al?", yelled Lester.

                      "I'm going bak tew teh pond. I just remember'd dat I hab ohai speed Internet. I can sii da wurld awn my compooter. See ya bak there."

                      Lester hop'd frum tree branch tew tree branch, owt ob reech ob da crickets, bak towards teh pond to meet back up with Al. Rite when he wuz just ah few trees frum teh pond, he ran intu ah duck sitting in wun ob da trees. "Hey, aren't yew da mama duck wif teh ducklings?", Lester said.

                      "Th' nayme's Mildred, and yes, yes I yam."

                      "Pleez'd tew meetchew, Mildred. I'm Lester. Say...I hab a kwestyun foar yew."

                      "Oh! Here wii go again. OK, go ahed an' ask mii."

                      "How many ducks inna flock?"

                      "Wot teh flock? I fot yew wuz gunna ask me why I yam sitting inna tree, away frum teh pond."

                    2. Mildred eggsplayn'd, "Yew sii, I wuzzn't berry attactive in my yooth, and I neber felt like I wuz liek otter ducklings, and dat creat'd a lot ob anxiety foar me. Sew now, eben tho I grew awp tew bii beyootiful, wen my own ducklings start acting awp, I can't deal wif it berry well, so I come awp here to get away and get sum breathin' room. I gess yew cood say I come awp here tew get sum air for swan."

                      Lester didn't quite gno what dat meant, but he felt compell'd tew tell teh former ugly duckling, "I feel liek I shood tell yew dat yew'd better bii careful arownd here, commander. There are sum guerillas in a clearing a fyoo trees dat way and they mite try to hijack yew." *points* And, he hop'd away tew teh neggst tree bak towards teh pond.

                      Mildred wonder'd why shii shood be worried abowt sum silly primates engaging in monkey business nearby, but az Lester hop'd away, teh swan/duck yell'd tew him, "Oh! And by teh way, it's three! Three ducks iz teh minimum foar ah flock. One is just a single duck. Dat's easy. But, let's just say for argument sake dat less dan three and more dan one am not a flock iz false. If dat iz false, den less dan three and more dan wun iz a flock, but if less dan three and more dan wun iz a flock, den saying dat less dan three and more dan one am not a flock iz false, and so on, and so on. Therefore, two ducks amma pair o' ducks, and ergo, da minimum foar ah flock must bii three.

                    3. "Thanks Millie."

                      Lester put on hiz ruby red slippers, clikked his heels and repeated "There'z no place like home," three times. Deh next fing hii noo, hii wuz back in deh pond.

                      Hii looked around -- dhere wuz Al basking on deh bank and gazing at deh clouds.

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